Daily Diary Entries
Day 122 – 124 – A Welcomed Blast from the PastOctober 26th, 2013 by David
On Friday night i received a phone call out of the blue from an ex colleague of mine from my days in Libya. A great guy but like me susceptible to the odd drink. I could tell straight away that he had a few which he later confirmed by showing me his glass of scotch and saying that I would appreciate it. I told him that I had not touched a drop in 4 months and that I had changed my lifestyle and was focused on running the London marathon next year. He seemed as though he was disappointed in a way, maybe because it was one less of his friends that were sharing that lifestyle with him. I can see how there can be solace in justifying ones behavior if there are other people around doing the same thing. I was growing impatient during the call although I didn’t let on, when you have to answer the same questions over and over again because the person is too drunk to remember gets tedious, I made an excuse and cut the call short after telling him I was in Kyrgyzstan for the third time.
After the call I had a range of emotions, firstly I felt sorry for my friend in a way, now don’t get me wrong I am not going to sit on my high horse and say look at me I am Mr. Perfect because I have made the decision not to drink at this moment in time. I felt sorry for him because he was back home with his family from working abroad and that time should be precious, I know if I was in his family’s position that I would want more quality time (I say this only because it was 11 am where he was, in the evening it would have been different I think) but then again who am I to judge? You don’t know what is really going on, it was just sad to see. I felt anger because I had wasted my time talking to my friend, he is not going to remember the conversation and do the things that he said he would do. I felt shame because I knew that WAS me, I was the one who would make drunken calls at times to my friends and now know what they must have gone through. I looked back at some of the times I got drunk and did/said embarrassing things and cringed. However I also felt pride. Pride in the fact that that was no longer me. I have visualized and created the person I have always wanted to be. The conversation motivated me, it has been only 4 months since my change but I know that this time the change is permanent and I am determined to work hard to keep it that way. I don’t ever want to be who I was ever again. I want to be me, the new and improved better me. I know that I am well on the way to achieving my goal. It is within touching distance. There is still a mountain to climb but I have made significant progress and I am happy where I am heading. I feel great. This situation confirmed that what I am doing and where I am going is the right direction.
The last 3 days have been fairly mundane and repetitive being stuck in the hotel – even the room service staff knew my order by the end of the week. I was disciplined and although my order remained unchanged for the week it meant that I stayed on track. In order to succeed you have to work hard and make sacrifices.